I have been writing and not publishing. I seem to be losing my mind. I am having trouble concentrating. I wish my next doctors appointment was behind me. I wish cancer was behind me. I wish I didn’t hurt and feel so cold all the time. I wish I could be comfortable in bed. I keep waking in the night and feeling pain in my shoulders or in my hand. My ring finger swelled up over night and I can’t get my ring off. I can’t straighten it out. I don’t know what could have caused it. It isn’t stopping me from typing but it is huge.
I am scared and I really can’t tell anyone. My husband needs me to be brave and fight. He would be so disappointed in me if he knew I was scared that I would die. He comes from a family of people who believe that your thoughts draw your life to you so if you are sick then you drew that to you. I understand the principle of the thing. I have watched “What the bleep”,”Down the rabbit hole” and “The secret”. I get the law of attraction.
How do I fight against my fear? This is what my initial question was when I began my little blog. How to get passed fear. Well wouldn’t you know it, its working. A so-called friend called me this morning to give me a bad time about some rumor she had heard, (This is the one who needs distance now that I am sick, read previous post) and I just didn’t have the heart to attempt any sort of story to avoid her attack. I certainly can’t recall telling rumors about her, I have enough to worry about, but I apologized and asked her forgiveness and promised that nothing similar would happen again. I felt nothing.
An apology is not a difficult thing to get from me these days. Believe me I am sorry for a lot of things and if I have in some way slighted you I apologize. I have no agenda anymore that I need to protect. I don’t need to lie, cheat or steal because nothing seems that all fired too important anymore.
