My husband broke his leg

Wow. Things are getting more interesting. Cancer has taken a backseat to a broken leg. I have worries about how to make the mortgage. Our big plans of side jobs making extra money to pay off bills has died.  I desire to run away has taken hold.We want to sell our house and move back home to Northern California. I have gotten some bites off Craig’s list. I am numb.

Good News

I got part of a report back from the repeat pap and biopsies. The Oncologist called yesterday afternoon to tell me that I had no invasive cancer. Does this mean my pap came back clear? He didn’t say. He wants me to come back for a cone biopsy to check for in-situ cancer. I looked this up and understand that it means a biopsy to look for the very beginning of localized cancer confined to one organ.

I am confused. My original pap said I had cancer. I got the call. I went to the OBGYN who sent me to the next state to see an Oncologist because I had cancer. Could there have been a mistake and no body wants to admit it?

It gets weird at this point. I have been working through the health department on this. Like many Americans I have no health insurance so I go to the health department to get low cost paps. They offered me a hysterectomy as a form of birth control. After getting the run down from this Oncologist, he too felt a hysterectomy was in order.  After he gave me the good news of “no invasive cancer found” he proceeded to talk about the next step being the cone biopsy and then the hysterectomy again.

I had to ask. If I have no cancer why would you put me at risk for major surgery for no reason? H was speechless for a moment, then stuttered slightly and said it was the hospital’s standard treatment. Then his mind was back in gear and he said that was down the road and we could talk about the risks involved with surgery versus having to get repeat paps and biopsies for years.

I have to wonder if there is a quota system for hysterectomies. Is there some national population control effort to give hysterectomies to healthy women? I don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but why?

I am probably not going to get the cone biopsy. I have made an appointment with an MD who has been making local headlines for offering natural treatment options. I want to go over some of the alternative therapies I have been reading about and get his take on it.

I feel like I am being lied to and I dont’ know who to trust.

A new life

Between my husband and myself we have a plan to cure my cancer and much more. I believe at 39 and soon to be counting I can be healthier than I have ever been. Am I being blindly optimistic? I don’t think so. There is too much information out there supporting me on this. I have reada bout Dr. Gerson and the Gerson therapy. I have read Dr. Linus Pauling and his vitamin C information. I have read about so many alternative therapies with better success rates than the general medical establishment that I am confident I can improve my health and recover from cancer. I will have to completely change my life.

This morning I ate an orange and a banana with all my vitamins. I jogged to the bus stop to send my boys off to school. I hauled wood for our wood stove. I had prepared a vegetable soup and blended it slightly for my lunch and then some.  I prepared a coffee enema per the Gerson therapy and before I could do that I juiced an organic apple and 5 organic carrots and drank that. I then proceeded with the enema and following that I did a couple of chores and then put in my yoga DVD. I have lost so much range of motion it is difficult to go too far into it but I went a half hour and then came upstairs to get some school work done, balance the check book and blog.

I have more to look forward to in the form of juicing another carrot and apple drink, a green drink involving an assortment of green veggies another coffee enema, more vitamins, while taking mega-doses of vitamin C through out the day.

Today is the day I am suppose to get my lab results back from the repeat pap and biopsies. I am thinking optimistically.

My biggest problem

After running around to out-of-state doctor appointments I came back to find that I had failed to submit a paper for my advanced Algebra class. I was pissed because I had worked on it ahead of time in order to not fall behind. There goes 60 points toward my already low B, high C grade in the class. I only have 3 more weeks to suffer through. If I pass this math class I won’t have to take any other math classes for my degree.

If this was my biggest problem I am sure I would be having a hissy fit and running around trying to figure how I could beg my Prof for some credit and play the bleeding heart cancer story on her, but because of the cancer diagnoses I find I am taking things much better. And the thought occurred to me, if this is my biggest problem then I am doing pretty good.

The visit to the Oncologist

After driving for 3+ hours staying at a hotel where I woke up with a stiff neck. I drove another hour to reach Marshifield for my appointment. They sure have a slick operation there. They are way busier than any mall I have ever seen.

I was early for my appointment but it didn’t pay off. They took me in right on time. After the weight and blood pressure check and a few questions I was given the sheet set to wear and wait.

The doctor arrived in a bright yellow dry cleaned shirt with a forgettable tie and he was very pleasant. He thoroughly explained what would happen today and he assured me he had received from my previous doctor’s file. I felt like I didn’t even need to be in the room. He had said this so many times before. He tried to make human contact by relating that he was from the same area of the country as I but he was off by a couple hundred miles.

The exam was thorough.

The good news was he did not see any cancer. He re-read the last pap smear in attempt to convince me that the previous test had only indicated possible abnormal cells but believe me when someone calls you and tells you you have cancer you don’t mistake that for anything else. And when you are sent to another doctor for referral and he explains, in broken English, that he can not help because you have cancer and he is not an Oncologist, you don’t forget it. So how can there suddenly be no cancer? Was the report wrong. Well we are going to wait and see.

So I wait.

Pap and biopsie results are expected Monday or Tuesday.

The doctor drew a diagram of possible options for me and I was alarmed that hysterectomy was the conclusion for both branches of his option diagram of either  no cancer and cancer. Even if there is no cancer he still wants to perform a hysterectomy on a 39 year old woman. Why? Is it the newest form of birth control? Is there some upside in having my body parts removed? Does he have a quota?  I have to wonder.

My husband has been doing a great deal of research on alternative forms of cancer treatment and h has been feeding all sorts of vitamins including mega doses of vitamin C.  He bought a big shiny juicing machine for me to use and has made a few interested suggestions regarding detoxification ideas. I trust him more than this slick dry clean only Oncologist.

I do appreciate the doctor’s and hospital’s diagnostic equipment. It is very important to know what your dealing with, but that is where I think it should end. At some point I need to take responsibility for my health.

At the end of the appointment my husband asked if there were any suggestions he had for me while I wait. Should I change my diet or anything else? The doctor said no.

I feel like someone is lying to me and I am tired of it. I know I have to do more if I expect to live a long life. I don’t believe experiences like that one, is one of them.